Work has been a great distraction, but I gotta leave sooner or later. I find myself staying til 7 or 8 when I get off at 5. Hours move so slow now. I’m not happy. I think I’ll paint my room and rent another redbox movie. I’ve been doing that for weeks now. Constantly laying in bed alone after work and watching shitty movies that spew out of the redbox machine. I drove down to Jersey so much recently hoping one time you might see my fb post and say oh, he’s in Jersey. Maybe even just a text. or a like or something. idk wink in my general direction. Nope. It’s fair I suppose. I’ve been a shitty bf. I became the guy that gets busy and ignores his girl. I need this, I need that. The one thing I need now I can’t have. I have over 12,000 in the bank. I make $1100 a week, I live close to NY city to do film, I set up a stunt team and a friend with a Ninja Warrior Gym in South Jersey that’s getting me stunt jobs and video shoots, my diet is so much better I physically feel like an athlete and I live in a miniature mansion with an indoor swimming pool. Yet I’m still not as lucky as I was a year ago. I was definitely happier. I knew I was going to become someone, just didn’t know that someone was going to be alone…

*sigh*… time doesn’t reverse… and second chances aren’t always given.

so lost